Resetting Your Relationships
All relationships experience the ebb and flow that comes with navigating day-to-day life, as well as the more significant challenges and milestones.
Learn more about small steps you can take towards resetting your relationships to create stronger and more connected ties.
It’s that familiar time of year, both exciting and perhaps daunting at times, when we think about resolutions for the New Year. As a psychologist, I am always in favour of introspection, to look at what worked and what we want to do differently moving forward. This year, I am inviting that we turn that same spirit of reflection towards our relationships and how we connect to those we are closest with. I think that this can be done in a gentle and compassionate way, without the forced pressure of suddenly reinventing everything about ourselves and our life.
These ideas can be applied to most of our relationships- colleagues, friends and family included. And at the same time, I think it is often the people we are closest too, our intimate partner relationships, where a reset can have a particularly meaningful impact. Below are two areas that we can focus on to support creating a stronger, healthier relationship.
Relationship Rituals
Relationship rituals - small, repeated moments of intentional connection - are an effective way to reset. Whether it’s a daily check-in, a weekly walk or a screen-free shared meal, routine creates predictability and emotional safety. They signal to ourselves and our partners, “you matter to me and we can rely on each other to show up”.
Consider:
What rituals already exist in my relationship? Even small or informal ones?
What is one simple ritual I could protect or reintroduce this year?
What rituals help our relationship to feel connected, grounded or appreciated?
How will I know when we have started to drift from our ritual or are less engaged with it?
Rituals don’t need to be elaborate, what matters is consistency and staying emotionally engaged. Over time, these moments help to reduce relationship stress, repair disconnection and strengthen our ties.
Possible Rituals to Try:
Sharing one moment of appreciation or gratitude before bed.
A shared end-of-week reflection, one low and one high moment.
A regular voice note or walk with a friend.
A daily check-in question or way of greeting each other.
Emotional Connectedness
One key component to resetting a relationship involves understanding the emotional patterns that shape how we connect, protect ourselves, and reach for one another in times of stress or conflict. A meaningful reset begins with raising awareness and slowing down these patterns, rather than trying to fix the content of conflicts. Instead of asking, “Who’s right?”, try asking, “What happens to each of us emotionally in these moments?”
This shift moves the focus from blame to understanding. When partners can see the cycle they’re caught in — rather than seeing each other as the problem — space opens for compassion and change. Take the time to ask yourself:
When I feel disconnected from someone I care about, how do I usually respond? Do I pull away or become critical? How are the ways that I emotionally protect myself? How does this action end up being helpful or unhelpful in our relationship?
In my closest relationships, what patterns tend to repeat during moments of stress or conflict? What are the earliest warning signs that this pattern is beginning to play out?
Is there a way my partner and I can align as a team to work against this pattern? What would that involve and look like from each of us?
What supports me to feel emotionally connected and safe? What does the other person in this relationship require?
What is one small, realistic shift that I could make - in how I listen, respond or express myself - in my relationships? For example, acknowledging what my partner has communicated before immediately sharing my perspective or feelings.
You might choose one question to sit with over the next days and return to these reflections when you begin noticing the patterns of disconnect. The goal here is to set the intention of awareness when it comes to our relationships, not achieve perfection. Resetting a relationship is a continual process of shifting towards repeated moments of care and emotional responsiveness with our significant others. Sometimes, the most meaningful resolution is simply choosing to stay engaged.
Finding What Works for You
This blog is written by our very Gemma Leonard. If you want support in better understanding how your patterns play into relationships, either as an individual or as a part of a relationship system check out Gemma or the rest of our therapists to see who might be a fit for you.
You can reach out with questions or for help determining next steps for you. Contact us using the form below, or visit our Therapists and Booking page.
